Yesterday would have been my mother's 83rd birthday. I was just a little melancholy thinking about all the time I've been without her. I had just turned 24 when she died. She never had the opportunity to meet my two children. I never had the opportunity to ask so many of the questions that I've wondered about through my parenting. I've been without her longer than I had her with me, 35 years.
It got me thinking how much I miss having a big family. Maybe miss isn't the right word, since you can't really miss what you've never had, but I know that I am just a bit envious of close knit, large families. For example, on a day like yesterday, it would have been nice to have a sister--or even a brother to call and converse about the good ol' days, tell a "mom" story or two and feel better because you share the same memories of days gone by. Of course, these wished for siblings would also be there to share the good times too. You know, you call them when you've gotten a promotion, when your child or grandchild hits a home run, or maybe just when you've had a wonderful day that you want to share with someone you love.
My own two children really missed the opportunity of growing up close to their cousins. By the time they were 10 and 5, we lived in Ohio and Bob's three brothers and parents lived in Pennsylvania and Maryland. Even though there were 11 cousins, spanning about 18 years, they are not close. Then we moved to Texas in 1991 and we rarely saw other members of the Phillips clan. When Bob and I divorced in 1994, the distance seemed to grow even larger. That was a difficult time for me and I was lucky that I had cousins who are very close and who helped me to get through it, thank you Bob and Kathy for that. I think we should be siblings not cousins. ;-)
My daughter occasionally gets back east to visit but Evan hasn't been back east in at least ten years. He is definitely the black sheep of the family but certainly not entirely of his own choice.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Houston, Houston, I've been to Houston
Finally the load is lifted and I can proudly say that I have been to the fourth largest city in the US, and the largest city in Texas. It only took me 18 years. I arrived in Texas in 1991 but just haven't had a reason to go to Houston until now. I must say, I was impressed. Thankful that it wasn't the middle of summer with simmering humidity, I was able to walk downtown to shopping, the convention center, and several outstanding restaurants. I don't think Dallas has done as good a job in providing visiting conventioneers with activities, hotels and restaurants in close enough proximity to the convention center. It's sad to hear the current opposition to the convention hotel being proposed. Bringing tourists and conventioneers to Dallas is good for everybody.
The past week I attended the Texas Library Association annual conference. It is exceeded in size only by the American Library Association Conference and the excitement is invigorating. I arrived on Monday evening and had just a small case of butterflies as I was presenting at the preconference on Tuesday. Once that was over--and which thankfully went very well, I relaxed and enjoyed thoroughly the rest of the conference.
I had the opportunity to hear Paula Poundstone and Gloria Steinem speak and both were excellent. One kept us laughing for almost an hour, the other reminded us of the progress we've made as women and the journey we have yet to travel. I have to say that while I enjoyed Paula, I was in awe of Gloria.
As a young adult, my life was changed by her words and actions and those of other members of the women's movement. I began to believe that I truly could be an independent person and do anything I chose to do. Her message encouraged me to put off having a family until I secured my education, getting a masters degree before my daughter was born. Those of us who chose families and careers rallied against the stereo-typical cries of men who would have us uneducated and home and baby bound. I can remember socially being questioned by men who asked why I worked and told me I couldn't be a good mother and a working women. My response was always that it was a difficult path, but that my spouse was also a parent and with his help, it was very possible to be both good parents and wonderful role models for our children. They saw that both of their parents had value outside the home, both could make daily decisions and affect the lives of others, both could come home to make dinner, read stories, give baths, and tuck in children. While my husband at the time still fought doing a lot of domestic chores, he certainly did contribute to the raising of our children, particularly our daughter.
To give you a little perspective on how far we have come, in 1966 when I was considering my college options, I could not apply to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Brown, Dartmouth or Amherst. Closer to my home in northeastern Pennsylvania, I could not attend Lehigh or Lafayette or even the University of Scranton in my hometown. These are just a few of the many universities who had not yet seen the wisdom of admitting women to their undergraduate program. Ms. Steinhem attended Smith College, one of the seven sisters, because none of the Ivy League schools were admitting women at that time. Gloria was quick to point out that we still have a long way to go. Jobs are still pigeon-holed, not by the nature of the work but by the people who do the job. For example, parking lot attendents still make more than child care workers, not because we value our cars more than our children but because one job is done by men, the other largely by women.
As happy as I was to visit Houston and enjoy its hospitality, I am even happier to be home. I am looking forward to the last seven weeks of school.
The past week I attended the Texas Library Association annual conference. It is exceeded in size only by the American Library Association Conference and the excitement is invigorating. I arrived on Monday evening and had just a small case of butterflies as I was presenting at the preconference on Tuesday. Once that was over--and which thankfully went very well, I relaxed and enjoyed thoroughly the rest of the conference.
I had the opportunity to hear Paula Poundstone and Gloria Steinem speak and both were excellent. One kept us laughing for almost an hour, the other reminded us of the progress we've made as women and the journey we have yet to travel. I have to say that while I enjoyed Paula, I was in awe of Gloria.
As a young adult, my life was changed by her words and actions and those of other members of the women's movement. I began to believe that I truly could be an independent person and do anything I chose to do. Her message encouraged me to put off having a family until I secured my education, getting a masters degree before my daughter was born. Those of us who chose families and careers rallied against the stereo-typical cries of men who would have us uneducated and home and baby bound. I can remember socially being questioned by men who asked why I worked and told me I couldn't be a good mother and a working women. My response was always that it was a difficult path, but that my spouse was also a parent and with his help, it was very possible to be both good parents and wonderful role models for our children. They saw that both of their parents had value outside the home, both could make daily decisions and affect the lives of others, both could come home to make dinner, read stories, give baths, and tuck in children. While my husband at the time still fought doing a lot of domestic chores, he certainly did contribute to the raising of our children, particularly our daughter.
To give you a little perspective on how far we have come, in 1966 when I was considering my college options, I could not apply to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Brown, Dartmouth or Amherst. Closer to my home in northeastern Pennsylvania, I could not attend Lehigh or Lafayette or even the University of Scranton in my hometown. These are just a few of the many universities who had not yet seen the wisdom of admitting women to their undergraduate program. Ms. Steinhem attended Smith College, one of the seven sisters, because none of the Ivy League schools were admitting women at that time. Gloria was quick to point out that we still have a long way to go. Jobs are still pigeon-holed, not by the nature of the work but by the people who do the job. For example, parking lot attendents still make more than child care workers, not because we value our cars more than our children but because one job is done by men, the other largely by women.
As happy as I was to visit Houston and enjoy its hospitality, I am even happier to be home. I am looking forward to the last seven weeks of school.
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